Hobnobs and Haribos

Hobnobs and Haribos have been my downfall

Towards losing the weight that has plagued me

for so many years now, that I’m a lost cause,

But this time I mean it – well maybe!

‘You must avoid carbs’ says all the advice

If you want to shed pounds  in a dash,

My friends this is easier said than done,

When you’re  a fan of white bread and mash.

I’ve tried Weightwatchers and Slimming World,

To try and banish the blubber,

And Rosemary Conley’s low fat cheese

Had the texture and taste of old rubber.

There’s only so many eggs  one can stand

When following the Atkins diet,

And the Cabbage Soup Plan resulted in wind

And the neighbours shouting ‘BE QUIET!’

The Dukan was fine, for a very short time

But I fainted whilst shopping in Asda

Imagine the shame of being driven home

In the Trolley Collector’s old Mazda!

I’ve counted  points and totted up  Syns,

Exercised portion control (of a fashion)

But you’re onto a loser when faced with the fact

That pudding and chips is your passion.

The scales are calling and the weekend looms

And I promise ‘The diet starts Monday’

But  it’s sausage and mash for tea tonight

And Hobnobs and Haribos on Sunday!


(dedicated to all my fellow fat friends out there - you know who you are!  xx)