Tis The Night Before Christmas...

‘Tis The Night Before ...

‘Tis the night before Christmas and all through the house

not a critter is stirring, not even a louse.

The kids are asleep in their grubby bunk beds

whilst visions of DS games dance in their heads.

And Ma in her slippers and Dad in his vest

have just settled down, for a fag and a rest.

 While out on the lawn at number thirty four

a burglar leaves prints as he jemmies a door,

Dressed from head to toe in his Burberry gear

with tattoos on his hands and rings in each ear.

A sack on his back filled with swag and goodies,

his mates keep watch, hid from view in their hoodies.

Neighbour Chantelle-Demi with her pregnant belly,

feels sick after eating a whole vodka jelly.

And Tyson McCann who has drunk all his dole,

sings carols with his bruvver who is out on parole.

His wife’s at the bingo and then off to town,

she won’t be home till her knickers come down.

And festive decorations from ‘Shopping TV’

flash garish greetings for all to see.

And Mrs Bucket who likes to go one better

hangs her ‘Joyeux Noel’ sign in golden letters.

The pub’s chucking out and there’s now a mass fight

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!